Hate and Fear

I’m afraid to look into your eyes, because you’ll see the emotions reflected in my heart.

Love me

Accept me

Want me

Need me

Humans, such contradictory, wishy washy beings aren’t we? I love you yet I’m afraid to. I’m afraid of the possibilities of what could become of us. Could we turn out as that happy ending, or will we be another heartbroken story, destined to become a part of the sea of devastated hearts and broken emotions?

I’m afraid.

Afraid of you, afraid of me.

I’m afraid, scared by these emotions. I hate looking into your eyes, I really do. They do something to me; they melt me. They make my heart flutter, my feet tingle. They make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. They make my body do things. Heat rises to my neck, sweat gathers at my palms, my heart reverberates like a drum inside my chest.

I don’t want to love you; I really don’t.

But I can’t help but to. Your gentle touch, your cute smile. The way you touch me, hold me, taste me…I can’t get enough. The way you whisper in my ear drives me up the wall. The way you look at me as if I’m the only one you see makes me turn to goop on the spot. The way you treat me as if I’m as gentle as fine glass makes me feel…

I can’t describe it. I hate it. I’m afraid of it.

I hate that you make me feel as if I’m at a loss for words. I hate that your large frame hugging me from behind makes me feel as if I’m secure and everything is alright in the world. I hate that when I’m away from you, you’re all I can think about. I hate that I wish for you to be near me at night, to hold me in your arms until morning.

I hate everything about being in love with you; but I’m helplessly so.

I hate how you kiss me. I hate that they make me go crazy inside and want for more. I hate how soft and silky your lips are. I hate that you’re always so gentle yet force full.

I hate what you do to my emotions, to my body.

I’m afraid of what you’ll do to my heart.

You make me vulnerable, pliable, soft. I’m afraid of how you crush the walls I’ve set up to guard my heart; you do it with such ease and smoothness. You could do me so wrong and I wouldn’t blink an eye at it. I’m afraid of that feeling, of loving you too much. I’m afraid of giving my heart to you and that makes the fact of my loving you that much more disheartening.

I really do hate being in love with you; It’s not right to feel so good. It’s not right to love you this much.

Stop looking at me, stop touching me, stop holding me, stop kissing me, stop talking to me. Maybe then I won’t love you; maybe then I can take my heart back.

But I doubt it.

Cause with every look, with every touch, with every embrace, with every kiss, with every word…I fall deeper and deeper into the world that is you…into this abyss called love.

I’m afraid to look into your eyes, because you’ll see the emotions reflected in my heart.

Love me

Accept me

Want me

Need me

Tingle

You make my heart tingle, but that tingle makes my heart hurt.

I’m afraid to fall in love with you, to get lost in that feeling of happiness and joy.

I’m afraid to break down the walls I’ve relentlessly built up to protect this beat in my chest.

It’s my heart damnit; you shouldn’t have any control over it.

But you do, and that’s what scares me the most.